Friday, November 18, 2011

Spoiler Alert {..kinda, not really}

twilight_tshirt

So the internet is clearly going to be abuzz today about the little Twilight movie.  Perhaps it already is.  These things I don’t know because I can be woefully apathetic to internet memes until they’re right up in my face and then I’m all like, ahahah have you seen Double Rainbow All The Way??  And everyone is like, yes… 7 months ago.  A hipster, I am not.

What was I saying?

Ah yes, well this picture made me laugh pretty hard and it might be a million years old, but I had to share.  And no, don’t tell me that I have to read the books and see the movie before I judge because guess what

I read the books.  I even worried that I wasn’t reading them in an ironic enough way.  However, in hindsight, it was in the middle of the muggiest summer Boston had seen in forever, while I was taking extra summer courses so I could graduate college early and I was spending all my time in the Boston University (not my school) library in the dusty American lit corner, writing a billion page term paper on Henry James. (Side note: my college didn’t have a huge library and holy shit could you die in the BU library and definitely not be found for a few months).  So I mean… a little bit of stomach-turning saccharine during that time was entirely justified.  Anyone who wants to judge me should definitely assault thy senses with a crapload of Henry James and then try not reading something superfluously mind-numbing.

{Deep Breath}

So yes, that was a little background into my Twilight experience.  And I fully admit that they were entertaining enough.  Twilight 2: Twi-Harder actually introduced a theme I could get on board with: a love triangle. 

NEW MOON Teaser

Twilight 3: Twi-Hard With A Vengeance developed (this is obviously a loose term in the world of Stephanie Meyer, but you understand) said theme and the Team Edward/Team Jacob fiasco was born and, people, obviously I was Team Jacob since obviously forbidden, tragic, melancholic love is way better than a happy ending. 

2010-03-23-eclipse_poster

Then I had to wait for Twilight 4: Live Free or Twi-Hard to come out. 

twilight-breaking-dawn_510

I thought they all would DIE.  Seriously.  Edward would resort to his baser vampire instincts and try and kill Bella or maybe Jacob would die saving her and then Edward couldn’t live with himself and he would die… or be killed.  Death = depth, I say!  But how awesome would that have been?!

But what happens?  Nothing.

Seriously.  A baby with a really awful name is born.  And everyone lives happily ever after. 

 

…And then Kristen Stewart touches her hair.

So really, that t-shirt is amazingly funny.  Though if Summit Entertainment decides they want to totally rework the ending to A Good Day to Twi-Hard, call me.  I’ve got some ideas.

Die Hard 0

Anyway…

Die Hard marathon at my house tonight?

top picture via, the rest? google image search?

9 comments:

  1. I love Twilight and even I couldn't help but laugh at that shirt. I know they aren't the best books ever written and even I'm already a little exhausted with all the hoopla. So I'm not going to judge anyone for making fun of it.

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  2. @Krysten: It's all in good humor. It's obviously making money & popular, so Twilight wins in the end. Like I said, I read the books and even saw a couple movies... I would have seen more if Kristen Stewart didn't make me cringe!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I liked to call the baby resumé.

    I too read all the books. I was a passagner on an 8 hour road trip, and then later that fall a 10 hour international flight so yeah, I did manage to read all four books that year...

    Then I saw the second and third movies with my little sis, so I guess it's going to be our thing and I'll go see this one if she wants to.

    But Twi-Hard has me in stitches, and now I really would like the have a Die Hard marathon with you. If only you weren't on the other side of the country...

    Chic on the Cheap

    ReplyDelete
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